Here’s the definition of spontaneous: adj. 1. Acting in accordance with or resulting from a natural feeling, impulse, or tendency, without any constraint, effort, or premeditation. 2. Having no apparent external cause or influence; occurring or produced by its own energy, force, etc. or through internal causes; self-acting. (Webster's Dictationary)
Do you believe that men love romance? That they love being romantic? That they love women being romantic with them? I do. But for a man, the essence, the source, the lifeblood of romance is spontaneity. Not just spontaneity the way we normally think of it, like a sudden impulse, as defined above in the first definition. Men are spontaneous as used in the second definition: they want to be authentic, with the action generated from them, and not generated as a result of some external pressure.
Think of the reality of Valentine’s Day: men are expected to deliver their romantic product at the appointed hour, regardless of mood, energy, resources or inclination. Men are often expected to provide gifts and romantic evenings, even marriage proposals, based on how long they have dated a woman; not because of the depth of feeling they have toward that person. And beware to the man who fails to be romantic according to the woman’s definition of what is romantic: he rarely goes without punishment.
The opportunity to be spontaneous is essential to men expressing their love and affection. This doesn’t mean they don’t like to plan romantic situations. It just means the source of planning romantic situations must comes from their own inspiration, not from an expectation of ours.
As I said earlier, the conditions created by Valentine’s Day are the opposite of spontaneity. They actually prevent men from being romantic, which they truly enjoy. Let’s look at it:
- Everyone else is going out to dinner, making it an ordinary thing to do instead of a special thing to do.
- With the crowd out to dinner, there is little chance for solitude and intimacy, especially while waiting for a table.
- Men are required to produce at an appointed hour – regardless of how much energy they have, how their day went, or what they want to do.
- February 14 is rarely on a weekend, so they have to do all this in the middle of the work week, when they are focused on other things.
Can you understand why men would hate Valentine’s Day? How it robs them of the ability to be spontaneous and therefore romantic? As a woman, is that what we really want: to be ordinary and just like everyone else?
Remember that whatever your partner provides for you on Valentine's Day is a Gift. You have not earned any special treatment just because this day is marked on a calendar.
Provide your mate with quality information; tell him what you need and what would make you happy.
Finally, provide a lot of appreciation for his efforts, not just the results. Reward him by letting him make you happy and show it!
Want to learn more? Attend my 1 hour class this Thursday, Feb. 7 at Blue Seas Med Spa, 1220 Hobson, Naperville from 6:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m.